Monday, April 22, 2024

Places & Memories

Certain places are filled with memories of people who found their life and of some others who lost the love of their life. Yet those places, with all smiles, joys, cries and tears remain the same. They say to look for things in places where you once lost them, but here I am who goes to places trying to forget them, because I lost them forever. 

 There's no hope left but I'm still trying to figure out the reason as to why I am stuck in this page. I badly want to turn it over and begin a new chapter. Maybe, a part of myself is still not ready to trust someone again. Maybe, I'm scared that I will not be able to handle another heartbreak. Maybe, because I've fed myself that nobody else  would make me feel so compatible and calm, again.

The hardest part of moving on is understanding that the other person is okay with losing you and that kills. Sometimes, nobody understands what your heart really wants. And what's worse is when there's no one to talk to and nobody to listen to. And then, writing becomes your savior.

Relationships cannot be forced, because once fixed, we'll need to spend the rest of our lives with them."Everything will be fine" after marriage, is a myth. Nothing changes as long as both parties are comfortable with each other. I wish to run away from home and disappear until I find peace. But, yes, I'll endure all the pain if that brings peace for all, even if that excludes me. And of course smile wide and bright no matter how much it hurts.

 




Wednesday, April 17, 2024

Till when?

Till when? I ask myself everyday. 

It's so hard to take, having to go to sleep and wake up with these thoughts everyday.

One minute I'm fine and the next I'm depressed. 

I wonder what I did wrong to endure this pain everyday. 

I am tired of just being fine and faking happiness.

I want to unlove,  because this hurt won't just go away.

I pray that I could unbreak my heart,

As this is too much for one person to take.

Sometimes, these feelings of worthlessness and hurt kills me from inside.

I wish to not wake up the next day.

I don't want to go through all of it again and again.

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Connection is not Intention

Give without expecting anything back in return, they say. Easily said than done, isn't it?. I thought I would gradually be okay just loving without expecting anything back in return. But, how do I make up my mind seeing them become someone else's, that too with a mystery of lies.... I find myself silly sometimes for not being able to get over. But the reality is that, those little moments, those memories, makes me feel like ages of togetherness with loads of love. 

But amid all the lies, A part of me still yearns to believe that, he had at least a little part of his heart which was genuine towards me. Maybe he loved me for at least a moment. Maybe he actually cared , at least a while... MAYBE.... 


Letting go is the most difficult thing for a person in love. We have to stop telling ourselves the story about someone who is an amazing first love, if they had no intention of keeping us in the first place. But because of the connection we felt with them, we now tell ourselves an incredible love story about what that situation should ,materialize into. Remember for a true love story to occur, you need, not just connection, you need intention, you need investment. You need someone who is actually committed to making the story go somewhere. Connection is not intention. 


 _Quoted_